Hanging my head in shame

Ooops… sorry all – I’ve been appalling lately I know.

BUT – all is fine, more or less!

Things have been quite hectic and there have been a million ideas swirling around my head – but it didn’t seem like my blog was the right place to talk about it until I’d actually done something to change my situation. And it’s been pretty much ALL I’ve been thinking about for the past month, so while I didn’t want to blog about it, it was also the only thing I wanted to blog about – if that makes any sense at all.

However, I’m about to make that big step and feel like it’s okay to talk about it now.

I started my new job at the big fancy consumer mag – and…… I absolutely hated it. The whole experience threw me for a loop, because this had been my dream job, yet here I was doing it and despising every moment of it.

It got to the point where I’d find myself crying in the bathroom three or four times a day, and by the time I left the office at the end of the day I’d have a throbbing headache. I felt like I’d backed myself into a corner and was completely trapped. If I left after only a month – where would I go? I can’t try another consumer mag – because I have a feeling that the industry just isn’t for me. So where does that leave me?

After a lot of counselling from FD, my folks and C, I realised what hopefully the right choice will be. I’m resigning tomorrow morning and going freelance. A really scary step – but one I’m starting to get really excited to take. I’ve approached my old company and thankfully, the split there was really amicable, so they’re super eager to take me on as a regular freelancer – so much so that my ex boss and I are going for lunch tomorrow to discuss a lump sum they want to pay me to help out with the next edition of the mag.

I’m terrified to tell my new editors that I’m going – but at the end of the day I have to do what’ll make me happy and this job isn’t it. Hold thumbs for me that they aren’t going to completely lose it.