Where have all the cowboys gone???

So in a couple of weeks I will have been single for an entire year. A YEAR. This is the longest I have ever been alone – since my first boyfriend at the age of 15. It is not having a good effect on me.

 

First of all – I’m becoming one of those grumpy sods that scowls at happy couples. It seems like people are hooking up ALL around me. Everywhere. Even the entire blogging community appears to be in the throes of loved up, candlelit, doe-eyed bliss. I hate them all.

 

Out of my five closest friends – three are in serious relationships, with Aye and The Ron both having the ‘should we move in together’ conversation with their other halves. I told The Ron that if he gets married before I get a boyfriend I’ll never ever speak to him again. He laughed. I told him I was being deadly serious.

 

The second side effect is that I’ve turned into a total perv. This is due to my personal moral code, which dictates that serious action is limited to boyfriends only.  C and I went to go watch The Dirty Skirts last weekend (who are all men by the way, even in their utter metrosexualdom) and after a while I couldn’t even hear the music anymore. Instead I was watching the way the bass guitarist’s muscle on the underside of this elbow would occasionally flex, and imagining what it would be like to run my fingers through the scruffy hair of the lead singer. I now do this where ever I go…in the traffic, grocery shopping… conferences… everywhere.

 

My newfound perviness was never quite as overwhelming as it was at Oppikoppi. An old varsity friend, who I’ve been secretly besotted with for almost 10 years now, was there. We’ll call him BMXer. He’s everything I want crammed into one perfectly proportioned individual. Ashton Kutcher-style goofiness, combined with the surprising ability to be serious every once in a while, with a daredevil streak and a body of Spartan (complete with the occasional scar from his extreme sport injuries). The sunny Saturday afternoon when BMXer came bounding over without his shirt on nearly sent me cascading down the Koppi.

 

There isn’t even a single remotely exciting prospect on the horizon. The Soldier is in Germany, The Game Ranger is a complete disaster and The Lawyer/Plumber, despite being hilariously funny, does absolutely nothing for me.

 

I’ve even sunk to the lowest of the low… Internet dating. This is not going well either. Despite having 470 fans – there isn’t a single one that I would actually like to meet. But perhaps I should… and join the ranks of the bloggers who have documented their Internet dating escapades. If nothing else, at least it’ll give my mates something to laugh about?