Strange experience last night…
Went to a gallery and then out for a sushi dinner with FD and a lady from his office. The woman seemed nice enough – middle-aged and quite stereotypically conservative Afrikaans South African. She had just come back from a trip around
Towards the end of dinner, she turned to us and said: “It was quite shocking, because I noticed a lot of interracial couples in
I looked back at her a little surprised at her statement.
But this just spurred her on even further.
“There were a lot of white men with African women… which I’m completely fine with – but then they have children which is just completely wrong.”
I continued to look back at her stunned.
“I mean if you want to get married to a black person, that’s fine, but getting kids involved is just selfish and cruel.”
I blinked in incredulity – is this woman for real??
“Like the one kid had normal hair and was lighter, and the other kid was darker, with the other hair.”
Whaaaat???
I continued to just sit there completely shocked that this woman, who I’ve known for a grand total of about three hours, has decided it’s appropriate to discuss her antiquated beliefs, assuming that as a white
I got home, a little angry at myself for not responding to her ridiculous statements. Although my silence probably indicated that I wasn’t on the same page as her – is it really enough? As she spoke there were a million things I wanted to say, but instead held my tongue, aware of the fact that this was someone who was important to FD and I didn’t want to get her back up.
What do you think…. Should you always argue vehemently for your beliefs – or is there a context where it’s better just to shut up?
7 comments:
I always argue vehemently even for things I don't believe at all. I like taking the devil's advocate position, even if I agree with someone, to try and force them to actually think about and question what they believe.
Though in your particular case there I doubt there would have been any point in arguing with her. It wouldn't have changed what she thought.
First I have to ask - what was she even doing there in the first place?
I personally am quite diplomatic, and I don't seek out confrontation, although I will challenge someone if I am particularly offended by what they say. I think there are times to speak your mind, and definitely times where it's not worth it. I agree with Rabbit - with archaic beliefs as deeply ingrained as these, I doubt she would even have heard what you had to say.
@Rabbit – Definitely, there was no chance that I would have been able to change her views… but on the other hand, perhaps I had a moral obligation to voice my opinion anyway? Should you only argue with the aim of changing someone’s mind, or is it equally important just as a way of indicating that the whole world doesn’t agree?
@Lopz – FD is involved in the art world, so the visit to the gallery was a work function and so she came along. And ya… I think that’s what is frustrating me, as I stayed silent despite finding what she had to say fundamentally offensive.
I would have said something. I can't stand by and listen to someone talking like that and not say something - even if it was something along the lines of "I'm not comfortable with this topic"
I hope that FD doesn't share those views! That is truly horrid, she deserves to get slapped!
obviously you would not have been able to change her mind, and to get into a heated discussion would also be unwise. maybe you should have made a short aggresive statement like: you do realise we live in 2007 and that your way of thinking should have died with the voortrekkers?... and then when she takes you on, you gentle say: i don't think this is the time or the place to discuss this...
just remember that not all afrikaans people think that way :-)
Allow me to play Devil's Advocate here. Would you agree that she is more prejudiced because she lives in Joburg? There are definitely fewer interracial couples here than in Durban and Cape Town. To see a mixed couple here is unusual. To see mixed couples elsewhere doesn't warrant the batting of an eyelid.
*Mouth agape from what I read just now*
You're right to be shocked, this woman is just plain old-fashioned, and totally not with-it.
Sometimes, it is best to not fight, and rather contest their beliefs subtly. Or, that is, according to an article I read just yesterday.
I tend to agree with this advice, though I would've strongly voiced my opinion.
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