FD and I had our first fight on Friday night.
Although I know I should be impressed with the fact that we managed to avoid conflict for six whole months, a part of me honestly believed that we would escape ever having to argue about anything.
It was friggen awful – the whole thing triggered by FD’s decision to buy a motorbike on Friday afternoon and ended up with FD making some pretty hurtful statements about how he feels that he’s in a lose/lose situation – because he feels he needs to choose between navigating mountain tops and being with me. It was confusing, upsetting and enraging all at once and left both of us feeling completely overwhelmed and disorientated.
FD was up most of the night and when I woke up in the morning, I found him in a complete state, devastated about having upset me.
Even though we had ‘sort of’ resolved issues by Saturday morning, I felt pretty out of it the whole weekend, and still feel the same way today. I’m suddenly feeling a lot less safe and secure, and internally questioning FD’s headspace constantly – trying to feel out what he’s thinking without actually asking him.
It’s completely new territory and I don’t have a clue how to handle it. I’m desperate for things to be exactly as they were before.
I can’t imagine my life without him in it, and as much as he’s done to try and reassure me that he wasn’t considering walking away from our relationship, I’m finding it difficult to completely believe him.
What it boils down to at the end of the day, is that I was carrying on in my happy little bubble, almost oblivious that FD was spending as much time as he was agonising over the fact that he isn’t off conquering and exploring untamed territories. I had some idea that he was a little worried about these things, but I asked him about it once, and his response was that he can’t handle being apart from me for a day – so how would he ever be able to go off exploring for months at a time. And I believed it and carried on – but it wasn’t the end of those thoughts for him.
So where do I go to from here? Knowing that there’s a chance that FD’s actually secretly desperately unhappy but not vocalising any of it? Can I just carry on imagining our lives together forever, while he may secretly be feeling the opposite?
I’m hoping that over the next few days all these insecure feelings will disappear...
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4 comments:
Shame, that sounds terrible. And I hate that disconnected feeling you get after a real fight (the ones that make you wonder if it's actually gonna work out or not). I'm sure you two will figure your path thru it and be back to happiness in no time tho :) Fingers crossed!
wow~
you two need to sit down and be totally honest about what's happening, especially FD... and figure it out from there...
i'm so sorry hun ((hugs))
Hmmm guess my post hit a nerve there. But I see it this way. He has a need to go off and explore - why should that come in the way of your relationship? You don't have to go summiting mountains with him if you don't want to - leave that to him and his crazy mates. Imagine how much more in love with you he will be if you let him express himself by doing the things he loves. Nobody said you have to enjoy or even condone some of them. Its gonna be tough to be apart for a month or so, but if that would make him happy it will also keep your relationship fresh.
Heres the flip side - if you don't let him go, he will start to resent the time he spends with you instead of an adventure or two. And likewise, he needs to let you do the same and get involved with activities that you enjoy doing. Its a two way street.
Fights are bound to happen in every relationship cos were all such different people. Its how you handle them that makes the difference.
Hope this helps and good luck!
P.S. Maybe I should publish my Part 2 for you...
Aaah, hun, don't stress too much about this. Like you said, it was your first real fight, and after 6 months of surreal bliss, to come crashing down to earth like that is a horrible reality check. People have gotten through worse than this - I really do think you can co-exist with his wanderlust and sense of adventure. But you do need to sit and have an open and honest conversation with him. Not talking only makes it more complicated - you need to convince him to tell you the truth, and you do thw same for him.
Big hugs babe xxx
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