So you think you can dance?

A couple of weeks ago, caught up in the usual spirit of 'new beginnings' that grips the world for approximately 21 days following New Year's - I decided to give something a little bit 'out-there' a try. I decided it was time to start pole dancing.

Over the past year or so, pole dancing seems to have become a completely acceptable form of exercise for many a young Jo'burg lass - in fact, being young isn't even a requirement anymore. I'd heard many reports of just how fantastic it was for improving your 'core' (what ever that is, because every new exercise technique they've come out with over the past five years has apparently been amazing for cores).

Spurred on by a friend, who even at her most wild moments is about ten thousand times more conservative than the Queen - I decided to sign up for Pole dancing 101.

We arrived at the studio in Rivonia to find what looked like a normal dance studio, if you don't take the 10 poles into consideration. The teacher was already walking around with a fistful of cash getting money from slightly terrified looking newbies. She came up to me and for a mad moment I wondered whether I should hand the money to her or tuck it into her jeans as a really pathetic joke. Fortunately I opted for the former.

The teacher, who is apparently an ex stripper who's stripped at strip bars all over the world, then walking over to her iPod docking station - pressed play and proceeded to strip down to her g-string. I was glad to discover that this was only because she was changing into her shorts - and that none of us were actually expected to follow suit.

Then she began showing us the moves - step by step - slide your left hand up to the top of the pole... hook your right knee around it... bring your left knee up and slowly...very slowly... lower yourself to the ground while spinning around the pole... until you land gracefully on your knees... No problem.

Try and imagine Demi Moore in Strip Tease..... I was the exact OPPOSITE of that. Oh. My. God.

I think watching Schalk Burger pole dancing would probably have been sexier than what I was managing to achieve. It was carnage on the strip floor.

And what made it SO much worse was that everyone else was totally getting it! My friend, the Queen, was practically supporting herself with one toe while spinning around and tossing her hair about. It was devastating.

So like some of the other experiments from former years - like scuba diving, salsa dancing and internet dating - pole dancing is just another activity that's been canned without achieving anything other than a blog post - better than nothing I guess!