Some cheering up!

I’ve been feeling pretty down all week so I decided it was time for some cheering up. I know… I know, I’m supposed to be Jewish, so I shouldn’t be doing things like this… But since I’m completely non-practicing, I gotta choose something to celebrate – and what better than CHRISTMAS!

I made sure that it wasn’t an overly religious tree… although the angels were super cute, I forced myself to walk right past them and went straight for the non-denominational decorations. It’s all bells, bows, bobbles and mini presents for my tree…

So here it is in all its glory… my very first ever non-denominational Christmas Tree!!!

Saturday night...

So Saturday night was most probably the scariest night of my life.

FD and I had spent the evening with some of his friends – we had an early dinner at News Café and then headed back to their spot for coffee and a look at a video they had made from their holiday in France. We left at about 10ish and decided to head back to FD’s house to feed his dog before heading back to my place.

We were happily chatting, driving pretty slowly along Old Pretoria Rd when suddenly an old white Toyota swerved out of its lane, straight into oncoming traffic at full speed just metres ahead of us. FD had a split second response to try and dodge him by turning to the left – but it was too late, there was no time – and all I could think was “Oh my god – this can’t be how it ends” before feeling the shockwave of impact as the car slammed into us.

I felt strange – I realised that I felt more or less okay, and I was aware that FD was talking next to me so I realised that he was probably alright too. And then suddenly my chest felt like it was constricting and I felt a sharp pain shooting through my lower back. I leapt out of the car – and slowly my chest felt like it was beginning to ease. Then I started to panic – why was FD not out of the car? I started yelling to him and ran towards the car – and finally he climbed out. Although I could see he was walking around and talking I felt terrified that he wasn’t okay despite his best attempts to assure me he was. I then looked towards the Toyota that had slammed into us and saw that the whole front of the car was compacted and the windscreen had cracked and there was no movement from inside. I was sure that who ever was driving the car was dead. But then the door opened and out climbed a woman carrying a small child who was crying – both bleeding. They sat down on the side of the road and eventually the driver got out – his face covered in blood.

Other people had stopped and were trying to see if we were okay – everyone phoning emergency services. A few short minutes later the road was teeming with paramedics, tow truck drivers, police and even a fire truck. FD’s car (a month old) was in bad shape. And a look inside was even scarier – his entire steering wheel had bent backwards – and we still aren’t sure which part of his body caused it. The pain in my chest was simply from the seatbelt doing it’s job – which has left red, black and blue welts across my chest, stomach and hips. My only other injury is a bruised coccyx which sucks to sit on. FD just needed a couple of stitches in his arm. And that’s honestly the worst of it. I still can’t believe that we’re both almost perfectly okay.

And now I feel really strange. First of all – I feel this need to check on FD constantly. I’m sure it’ll pass, but today has been a challenge. I keep wanting to phone him to make sure that everything’s okay – but have managed to resist it with the exception of one call.

I also keep reliving the moment when we saw the car swerving towards us – the feeling of panic is inexplicable – especially with the person I care about most in the world sitting right next to me directly in the line of fire. I keep on going through the ‘what ifs’ in my head… ‘what if we had left a few minutes later’.... ‘what if FD hadn’t managed to turn a little to the left’…. ‘what if we had been going faster’…It’s the strangest mix of gratituity and anger… glad we’re both fine and then mad that it had to happen at all.

Most of all it’s the scary realisation that everything can change in a heartbeat. Lucky for us we both walked away – but so many people don’t. And FD and I had spent most of Saturday bickering about random shite – what if that had been our last day on this earth, totally wasted worrying about utter nonsense? It’s a good wake up call because as clichéd as it’s become, I really realise how important it is to let the small stuff go and focus instead on what’s positive and light.

Ahoy!

Sometimes it's hard to blog. Either nothing too eventful is going on.... or sometimes life is far too eventful and the brain gets too jumbled trying to put it down into words. I guess the past couple of weeks have been a bit of both. There have been huge changes - ie. leaving crappy consumer mag and going freelance... but things have, for the most part, being going along pretty swimmingly. Without going into too much details... the highlight without a doubt was finally using that free trip to Pezula.... in the words of Gok from BBC Lifestyle's 'How to look good naked'.... GAAAAAWJIS! (To be said with huge emphasis on the AWWWWW)....

So here are a couple of pics....

Awesome driftwood art thingie on Swartvlei Beach...

Our bathroom at Pezula - complete with freestanding bath overlooking an atrium

First thing we did was order mojitos at the pool...

I insisted on a fire every night, even though it was hot outside and we had to put the air-con on full to negate the effect...

FD digging his shower cap

Scenes from our canoe trip along Noetzie River...

GOOD TIMES!!!

Hanging my head in shame

Ooops… sorry all – I’ve been appalling lately I know.

BUT – all is fine, more or less!

Things have been quite hectic and there have been a million ideas swirling around my head – but it didn’t seem like my blog was the right place to talk about it until I’d actually done something to change my situation. And it’s been pretty much ALL I’ve been thinking about for the past month, so while I didn’t want to blog about it, it was also the only thing I wanted to blog about – if that makes any sense at all.

However, I’m about to make that big step and feel like it’s okay to talk about it now.

I started my new job at the big fancy consumer mag – and…… I absolutely hated it. The whole experience threw me for a loop, because this had been my dream job, yet here I was doing it and despising every moment of it.

It got to the point where I’d find myself crying in the bathroom three or four times a day, and by the time I left the office at the end of the day I’d have a throbbing headache. I felt like I’d backed myself into a corner and was completely trapped. If I left after only a month – where would I go? I can’t try another consumer mag – because I have a feeling that the industry just isn’t for me. So where does that leave me?

After a lot of counselling from FD, my folks and C, I realised what hopefully the right choice will be. I’m resigning tomorrow morning and going freelance. A really scary step – but one I’m starting to get really excited to take. I’ve approached my old company and thankfully, the split there was really amicable, so they’re super eager to take me on as a regular freelancer – so much so that my ex boss and I are going for lunch tomorrow to discuss a lump sum they want to pay me to help out with the next edition of the mag.

I’m terrified to tell my new editors that I’m going – but at the end of the day I have to do what’ll make me happy and this job isn’t it. Hold thumbs for me that they aren’t going to completely lose it.

Are relationships the leading cause of obesity?

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend – whenever I enter into a relationship, I tend to gain weight. I know I’m not alone in this – but can’t help but wonder why it is??

Perhaps it’s because I’m not going out as much – and a good evening usually involves cooking some friends a decadent dinner or going out to restaurants.

Also – there’s the fact that men can usually eat whatever they want without having to worry about weight gain (well all the ones I’ve dated). FD’s physique is quite literally perfection – mostly because he’s an exercise junkie – and he can eat as much of whatever he wants without it having any effect. Watching him tuck into pastas and burgers while I pick at my dressing-free salad is depressing beyond belief.

With all of this in mind – I need to try and change what I can... and with a new job will come a new exercise regime! Rock climbing doesn’t really do much good aside from a little toning... the muscles that do the most work are my forearms – which isn’t exactly the part of my body I’m hoping to target.

So it’s off to gym for me! I’ve always been happiest on a treadmill, but reckon it’s time to don the spandex (not really) and give the group classes a bash. That together with regular gymnastic love-making sessions (I read an article that said that 21 orgasms per month lower men’s risk of prostate cancer, so it’s for FD’s sake) should get me into a better shape by the time summer rolls around.

Does shacking up always lead to breaking up?

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, FD and I aren’t currently having the ‘moving in together’ conversation – but after watching the collapse of several of my friends’ relationships, it’s gotten me thinking...

FD stays over six nights a week – we always spend Mondays apart. We stay over at my spot 99% of the time, purely because of traffic issues and the fact that he doesn’t need to be at work at specific time while in my current job (only for the next two weeks though) I have to clock in (yes, literally clock in) at 08h00 each morning (my feelings on this could take up an entire post in itself).

Despite the amount of time he spends at my spot – all I’ve given him is one drawer in a hard to reach spot amidst my six cupboards. So FD has to sit in traffic each morning and practically live out of a suitcase and I’m aware that this sounds a bit heartless and cruel, but I think it’s important that we still distinguish between his place and my place.

There seems to be a massive difference between someone staying over almost every night and actually taking the leap to moving in together. Even though you’re probably spending the same amount of time together, something in the relationship dynamic seems to change dramatically – leading to most of my friends ending their relationships – or at least having regular and enormous arguments with their partners.

Having never done it myself, I have no idea what causes it – but it’s made me very hesitant to ever take that step. I’m a bit old school in that I’ve always believed that post-engagement is the best time to shack up. That way you’ve still got some time to feel it out before you tie the knot. But maybe the sooner the better – rather know that you’re incompatible right from the start – right?

So that big thing...

It’s happening.

This may be an anti-climax for some of you, but I’m changing jobs.

This is epically huge in my life for several reasons – a) The job I’m currently in is my first since finishing my studies and b) I’ve been doing it for three years.
Another reason this is a huge deal is that I’m making the leap from business 2 business to consumer publishing – working at a popular women’s lifestyle mag. So exciting!!!

The whole thing kinda snuck up on me. I saw the job advertised on bizcommunity a little while ago and decided to send in my cv, without really expecting anything to come out of it. So much so, that I didn’t even bother checking the email address I provided them with. A few days later I remember and logged on, only to see an email from the editor requesting I come in for an interview... sent three days prior to me actually seeing it!!

I freaked out and quickly emailed back and luckily they were still able to slot me in as the last interview the next day. It went okay – but didn’t come out feeling overly confident. I then had to do some writing for them and I spent days trying to come up with ideas and polishing it up before I submitted it. FD, C, my mom and dad all had to read through it a gazillion times making corrections and suggesting changes.

A day later I got another call from the editor asking me to come in for a second interview. This time I was seriously nervous and came out feeling like I had messed it up completely! I spent the next day checking my email and phone every 30 seconds – until it eventually rung and heard the editor’s voice saying that I had gotten the job.

I resigned from my job on Friday... and had a mixed bag of emotions – with some people taking it better than expected and others taking it much worse than expected. My young jedi burst into tears – I felt so guilty!

Now my managers are being a bit shady and definitely regarding me with contempt – but who cares – I’m going to be working at a fabulous magazine from August 1. It’s the change I’ve been longing for – woohoo!!!!!!!