A glimpse through a crack in the wall

First of all, thanks so much to all of you guys who left messages on yesterday's post.

I need to be careful about the time I choose to write this post – and right now I’m in a positive stage – which can completely unpredictably could swing to out of control depression in a few seconds time. I think it’s some weird kind of coping mechanism.

Things that are still okay:

• Just in case I had any doubt ever, FD continues to prove himself to be the most incredible human being on the face of this earth.
• Work is miraculously firing ahead
• My family and friends are all healthy
  

Things that are not at all okay:

• My father, who started his company almost 30 years ago, is going to go into liquidation over the next few days. My father, who has always been the bastion of success, the ultimate provider, the most generous man I’ve ever known – is going to be forced to shut the doors of what he’s spent his entire life working towards, as a result of the greedy, stupid mistakes of his business partner.
• My father, who has always enjoyed his life to the full by heading to the bush (his favourite) every couple of weeks, cracking open bottles of beautiful vintage wine, and spoiling those he cares most about – will be forced to give up his car, cellphone and even medical aid as the bank takes over EVERYTHING he’s spent his life building up.
• My father, at the age of 62, is going to have to sit in the office of self-important CEOs, begging for a job, after almost a lifetime of being his own boss.
• My father is going to have sit down dozens of his loyal employees – some who have been with him for almost 30 years, and tell them they don’t have a job anymore.
• And, of course, there’s a major possibility that the flat where I live, which is my father’s name, will be repossessed by the bank.

And there’s so much more...

What completely breaks my heart is what all of this is doing to my dad. That unscrupulous and devious acquaintances will be sniggering as they watch the demise of a good man. The best dad in the world.

Right now I’m feeling okay, but can almost tangibly feel the wall I’ve put up between my conscious self and my emotions – which crumbles down every couple of hours as the reality of what I have to face bludgeons its way through.