Boy oh boy am I just a completely pitiful specimen of humankind right now or what!
I’ve degenerated into a blob of unrivalled insecurity and crankiness – all glued together with the mucous currently clogging up my sinuses. (wow, that’s a lovely image)
AND I’m cold ALL the time.
Not really sure how I’ve reached this condition, because I actually had a good day yesterday with some interesting developments (other than the mucous) that I’ll fill you all in on in due course.
But somewhere during the course of it, I started getting totally paranoid about FD’s mood on Sunday (so much for my breezy statement on the last post). I don’t see him on Mondays, so there was no further development that fuelled the paranoia in any way other than a completely overactive imagination. By the time I went to bed, I was convinced he was on the verge of breaking up with me – and as soon as I opened my eyes this morning the delusion continued. Only now am I starting to realise how completely ridiculous I’m being, and that if I actually voiced any of this paranoia to FD he’d actually think I’d completely lost it.
The only explanation for the paranoia is that he received a sms from his ex girlfriend over the weekend – a simple “Hi FD, just wanted to find out how you are doing”. I started off being very blasé about it, simply asking whether FD was planning to reply or not – but gradually worked myself up into more and more of a frenzy as the conversation continued. I SO wanted to be completely cool about the sms – why is it that ex girlfriends have the ability to reduce an otherwise calm and composed woman into a completely hysterical mess?
Anyways – I think I’m going to medicate with some ginger flavoured Panado Medsip and stop inventing imaginary relationship crises for now.
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11 comments:
Awww honey! Sounds like you're going through a lot.
Just stop and breath :)
heh heh... we could be twins!
i have never been able to stay friends with my exes... too much history for my liking.
maybe its a guy thing? a lot of guys seems able to stay friends without the emotional entanglement and without assumptions...
strongs!
Yeah seriously what is it about ex girlfriends. My bf has an ex that gets me so wound up and so insecure which freaks me out cause i'm not an insecure person...but she just decided that she hated me ...before she met me. Now anything that she is at that i'm at she either doesnt come or comes and pointedly ignores me and pulls people away from talking to me to isolate me. I mean i'm the current gf - why do i have to bide by her games.
Otherwise i'm fine with most ex's and i'm friends with pretty much all of mine (apparently i'm a freak for this)
Sorry to hear that you are so worked up! just breath and try to stop thinking about it. Then just talk to FD - he will so understand how you feel about the ex...just tell him.
Paha, I so know exactly what you mean about your mind attacking you with all sorts of paranoid ideas ... it happens to me *all the time*!
I'm sure all will be fine :)
Oh I know how that goes. :) I agree - medicate and breathe. *hugs*
you are such a girl... like us all :) you had a girly reaction which is so normal... stuff being blaze... the ex should just leave FD alone ffs...
hope you feel better soon...
all together now...
I HATE WINTER!!!!
I've felt bleugh since this icey weather set in.
I so know what you mean about convincing yourself of a particualr scenario in your relationship. Luckily MM is rather lovely and I never feel insecure with him. This is because, and I'm positive this is the case with FD, he reminds me that they are his exes for a reason - it didn't work and he doesn't want a relationship with them.
BUT my worst was the ex. He used to dine with his exes! Drove me wild and I'm not a jealous person. The all time worst was when we went for dinner and he got up and went to have a drink with his ex while I sat alone at the table!
Don't let your mind be your enemy sweets and I hope you're feeling super soon xx
Very mature of you to realise you're being paranoid - I usually end up having hubby counsel me after convincing myself that someone hates me because they didn't reply to an SMS or some other such petty thing. Why is it that we get all het up about little things?
@boldly benny - *gasps in utter horror* What did you do? Tell me you left the restaurant and him?
@msmozi - it's ok hun, totally normal reaction. We all get like that. I was on the receiving end of paranoid jealousy recently, and although it was kind of annoying (since it was totally unfounded), it just reminded me that it's an indication of the strength of his feelings for me. You more than likely have nothing to worry about. Watch a chick flick with some chocolate ice cream and have a good cry - it's excellent therapy when there is no identifiable problem!
erm... tag tag!!
@Miss M – hard to breathe through the mucous, but I will try! :)
@angel – He’s not actually friends with his ex at all – which I’m really greatful for! The sms was just random and out of the blue. Yikes, just saw the tag – I’m on it!
@MidniteGem – Your boyf’s ex sounds like a nightmare! FD’s ex girl doesn’t seem too bad, but I just can’t fathom that FD ever had a girl in his life before me. Luckily he suffers from the same affliction so he can sort of understand where I’m coming from.
@philly – It’s crazy, I used to have quite an accurate feel for people’s headspaces and that sort of thing, but these days I’ve completely lost my touch. I find myself worrying about things that are unbelievably far from the truth – I think it’s some weird kind of defense mechanism where I’m constantly preparing myself for the worst.
@sleepyjane – Panado medsip Ginger flavour – it rocks.
@sweets – I am SUCH a girl… a girl who HATES winter!!!!
@benny – I think something in my head would properly *pop* if I ever heard that FD was planning to go for a meal with his ex, never mind leaving me sitting alone at a dinner table while he boozed it up with one. So glad you’ve moved onto better things!!!
@tamara – trust me, most of the time FD has to do the counselling thing, but in this case I was being SO ridiculous even I could see it :)
@lopz – good plan, or I’ll watch Oprah, that always makes me cry, even if they’ve just refurbished someone’s bedroom I can usually squeeze out a few tears!
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