The conversation that all men fear.

Last night I went out for dinner with The Fugitive, Kay and a couple of other boys and girls. After a few glasses of cheap red wine, the conversation somehow moved to that frightful subject… The type of discussion that leaves men in a cold-sweat, eyes frantically searching for the nearest exit, contemplating intentionally choking on the rosemary and feta focaccia just to escape to the heinousness of the subject at hand.

Marriage.

It’s amazing that so many women have planned out even the most insignificant detail of their future wedding, many without a significant other in any shape or form. Take The Fugitive for instance: Although she is dating the German Sailor – marriage isn’t currently under discussion. But she does know that she will be having a civil wedding in Germany, a church wedding in SA, a wedding dress that fades from white, to pink, to red, and bridesmaids in burgundy.

Another friend at the table (whose boyfriend was frantically wiping the sweat from his brow) had decided that she would be getting married in Plett and was starting to survey the rest of the table to determine who had holiday homes there to accommodate the guests.

What is it about marriage that makes lunatics of fully competent women?

I think it boils down to three things:

1. The fixation on marriage has a lot more to do with the wedding than marriage. Post-wedding depression is a major problem, with many women suddenly realising that the day they’ve been dreaming about since they were born is over…. And they are faced with the reality of their lives… as they will stay…. For ever and ever…… hectic!

2. Women start to panic when their friends start getting hitched one after another. They take a look at the calibre of the men their mates are marrying and think “Wow, he’s such a catch – damn! Now he’s taken and I’m going to be left with the dregs of society if I don’t act soon!”. Or they think “Wow – he’s such a moron! Now he’s taken.... if he’s taken can you imagine what kind of crap is still available… I better act soon!”

3. And of course… the old biological clock – so friggen unfair that men don’t have to worry about this. If women didn’t have to I reckon it would be a completely different ball game.

I still maintain that if I ever get married, it’ll be a drive-through ceremony in Vegas. With KFC… Britney Spears-style.

A mini soul-search on a debaucherous weekend.

So an interesting weekend all-round, during which I made several key discoveries:

 

1. I’m currently in relentless party-mode. Sadly, it seems like the majority of my friends are completely over the party scene…. for life. Should I be more like them at 26? Have I actually reached my party expiry date and I’m just carrying on in total denial? Thankfully, C (who is also three years younger than me) is still able to party up a storm…. so I do have a partner in crime.

 

2. I miss the security of having a boyfriend. I bumped into Italian Ex-Boyfriend for the first time since the break-up last year September. It was really strange to see him again. Was out at the Manhandler on Friday with The Fugitive and Kay who both wanted to go home… I really felt like staying, but gave in and we were on the way out when I saw him. I decided to stay… knowing I’d be safe as long as he was there. We had a good chat and I also knew instantly that I had no feelings left for him… but at the same time missed the feeling of having the support and strength of someone beside me.

 

3. The chemistry between me and Broken Arm is still almost palpable… insane. I hadn’t seen him for quite a while, until Saturday night. I have no idea why there’s such a spark there, but it doesn’t seem like it’s going to disappear anytime in the near future. Yowza.

 

4. I miss being on the stage… went to go and watch The Lion King yesterday (which was spectacular) and was reminded of how much I need to be back on the stage. Aye and I are planning to join a drama club – should be awesome!

 

5. The Ron and I had “renewed our friendship vows” to quote him directly. Had a heart-to-heart with him on Saturday night (after he had polished off seven Long Island Iced Teas) about the state of our frequently tumultuous friendship. We’re in a better place than we’ve ever been… practically family and it was good to hear it from him.

 

6. Norwegian men aren’t all that.

 

And that was my weekend in a nutshell…

 

Rock on rock stars!

What's up with all the crazies?

So things didn’t really go according to plan with DJ….

 

On Thursday evening, at around 7pm, I decided it was time to call and break up with him… even as a non-boyfriend. I was meeting C at Blues Room to watch the immensely talented Wonderboom… and figured that was enough time to cut all ties with DJ and get ready for my night out.

 

So I phoned him….

 

Mozi; Hey DJ…. Howsit going?

 

DJ: Doing well thanks…. How was your night out last night?

 

Mozi: Oh it was great thanks… really burning the candle at both ends you know… going out again tonight.

 

DJ: Oh cool…. What you doing?

 

Mozi: (Quick! Think of something else! Anything!!!) Ermmmm… going to watch Wonderboom. (Crap)

 

DJ: Oh cool…. Where?

 

Mozi: (Ok, now is your last chance… anywhere in Joburg…. Just don’t say Blues Room!) Ermmmm….. Blues Room.

 

DJ: How weird! So am I!!!!

 

Mozi: Wow. Weird.

 

DJ: Great so I’ll see you later then! I’ll be there at 8! Bye!

 

So I headed off to Blues Room with much intrepidation. C and I bee-lined for the bar to numb some of the dread and we started to notice all of the delicious boys sauntering around the venue. I was gazing at the solid jawline of a tall dark lead singer when suddenly, DJ’s face popped into my line of sight.

 

Ugh. 

 

Sadly, this was also the first official meeting of C and DJ. Most unexpectedly, DJ proceeded to launch into what can only be described as a complete verbal attack of poor old C. I’m not sure if it was a strange manifestation of his jealousy that I was spending time with someone that wasn’t him, but whatever it was - it screamed ‘Psycho!’

 

After about 30 minutes, his friends arrived and he left C and I in peace. We had a rocking time, enjoying the bands, perving and gossiping. After his tirade directed at C, I decided completely ignoring DJ would be the appropriate action to take.

 

Wonderboom was sublime… Cito was sublimer…. Shoo wow. C and I stole a poster and got the band members to autograph it for us. It’s now hanging up in our office cubicle. We decided that we are fans - not groupies. Enormous difference between the two.

 

When I got home at around 1ish I felt content that no self-respecting man could ever think that there was still a possibility of anything between us after I treated him like he had the plague all evening.

 

A few seconds later I released that DJ is not self-respecting.

 

My phone beeped with an SMS saying that it was great to see me. Followed by an email the next day asking what my weekend plans were. It was at that precise moment that I realised his behaviour was no longer just hopeful and eager…. It was borderline creepy and psychotic.

 

But now, almost a week on, it seems like he has finally gotten the message. My inbox is blissfully clear of all DJ emails and phone is DJ SMS free.

 

I think I’m finally out of it.

When it's through... it's through...

I’m caught in the midst of an ethical dilemma.

 

It appears that DJ has not gotten the message that I thought I had so clearly put out there. This became particularly clear yesterday afternoon as my inbox filled up with cheery emails from him, and my cellphone vibrated with deliberately missed calls.

 

It’s quite incredible that someone can continuously attempt entirely one-sided communication for so long.

 

This left me with three options:

 

1. Continue to ignore him

 

2. Reaffirm my position on not seeing each other again via email

 

3.Reaffirm my position on not seeing each other again via phone

 

I’ve decided that I’m going to have to go with option 3, firstly because all my work friends have made me feel guilty about going through with 1 & 2 and secondly because I’m concerned about negatively impacting on my dating karma.

 

On the other hand – I don’t really think it’s fair that I have to break up with him, seeing as we never actually entered into an official relationship.

 

So I’ve got that to look forward to this evening – BUT it will be followed by a night of partying with C and perving over sexy Wonderboom.

 

So all is not lost.

Saving the rare mountain gorilla...

So I’ve been quiet for a while… okay maybe quiet isn’t the word – maybe more like completely absent. And I really really wish I had a good reason – like I was rescuing baby gorillas from bush meat hunters in the Democratic Republic of Congo or that I had locked myself in a sealed off underground crypt in order to contemplate quantum physics for a month or two. But no.

 

Although in between my last entry and this one – I have finally come to grips with a mammoth assignment at work, frolicked in the snow at Tiffindell, and I ‘almost’ had a relationship!

 

His name was DJ – and upon meeting him I was immensely wowed and impressed. Unfortunately, that didn’t last long. Within two weeks, I was already starting to grow bored and skeptical. He was one of those mysterious and rare ‘relationship’ guys – who just love being committed to someone.

 

It completely freaked me out.

 

He was asking when he would meet my parents on the second date. I was just waiting for his head to rotate 360 degrees and for him to jump out of his human suit.

 

So after a month of keeping things as casual as I could – he eventually wanted to know what we were and where were we going… The fact that I am phrasing all of this in the past tense is a pretty good indication of what I had to say about that.

 

So in retrospect I’ve realised that until someone comes along and completely sweeps me off my feet with his total spectacular-ness, I’m going to keep flying the single flag high. And to tell you the truth, I feel pretty good about not getting involved with someone merely for the sake of being in a relationship – shows I’ve matured a little because I would have done it in a heartbeat in the past.

 

So apparently 26 seems to be the year of maturity, intermingled with vast amounts of silly, drunken behaviour. Awesome.

Story time...

I have a little story to share with you. My mom shared it with me over the weekend and I loved it so thoroughly that I just had to blog about it…

 

My mom to tell me about the most romantic experience she ever remembers happening to her in her entire life (which unfortunately, doesn't involve my father).

                                                                                  

She was 13 years old and at a school dance in the swinging '60s. She was giggling with friends, sipping on punch and doing the occasional twist. Suddenly, across the room she saw him. The boy who's name she had spent hours doodling in her school notebook. Sadly, he was the school's 'It' boy – he had a gorgeous girlfriend with long flowing golden locks who followed him around where ever he went…. except for this one night.

 

He came over to speak to my mom - she couldn't believe her luck. They then moved across onto the school's sports field for a chat. They walked in the crisp air, surrounded by darkness except for the glow of the moon, Elvis Presley's Love Me Tender only just audible from the school hall. They walked around the field hand in hand, lap after lap, neither wanting to ever let go.

 

More than 50 years later, she still remembers every sound, smell and sight from that one night, when she was a 13 year old girl, with a heart that had swelled up like a balloon and a stomach with a gazillion butterflies fluttering about it.

 

And isn't that what life is all about. Those unexpected moments, as trivial as they may be, where you allow yourself to just feel – without the nagging pressures that perpetually drag us down. Those moments when the entire universe falls away into oblivion and you allow yourself to get completely caught up in a moment.

 

It makes me think that we need to silence all those questions in our heads… all the what if's, what next's and why me's – because you may become so consumed by all the complications that you forget to just enjoy it while it's good. And who knows… 50 years from now you may be remembering that one unforgettable moment that you lost yourself in.

Celebrations!!!

I’m going to be a year older in the next couple of days. Not entirely thrilled about it – but I have decided to kick off celebrations tonight anyway. Rock God’s band is playing a gig and it was just seemed like too much of a fantastic opportunity to miss.

 

That was until my phone beeped with a SMS yesterday. I was surprised to see that The Ron’s Bandwhore Ex-Girlfriend had invited me to her birthday celebration…. at the same place, date and time as mine. So I’ll be sharing my night with The Ron’s Bandwhore Ex-Girlfriend. It makes me feel slightly better that The Ron is equally as unhappy with the situation… and his current (fabulous) girlfriend even more so.

 

Other than that minor detraction from the fabulousness of tonight – I have quite an interesting crowd dynamic going on. Broken Arm, No. 1 and Rock God will all be in the same room. Broken Arm SMSed to let me know he’d be there… and then went on about bowling again. I just ignored it. God… he really is an alien.

 

Speaking of twisted and psychologically warped subjects… I watched Saw for the first time last weekend. Man oh man… what was I thinking? I can’t handle scary movies… but The Ron rented it for a DVD evening at his spot. What I really hate about watching horror movies is that after it’s finished and the television is off – it seems as though the entire world knows that you’ve just watched something freaky – and that now they need to begin to act accordingly. The Ron lives on the 10^th floor in a high rise block of flats – so I made my way down in the elevator at 11pm… completely alone… and then mysteriously at the 4^th floor – the doors just open. No one there…

 

Then in the car on the way back I decide I need to try and escape the supernatural place my mind is currently occupying by joining some friends who are out on the jol. I phoned Kay and it rang for about half a second… then I heard her saying ‘Hello’ in a scary, groggy voice… and then the phone went dead.

 

She phoned me back about 15 minutes later – and sounded completely normal - but by this time I had barricaded myself in my apartment, all lights on, curtains closed and watching Two and a Half Men… the furthest thing I could find from a horror flick.