So that big thing...

It’s happening.

This may be an anti-climax for some of you, but I’m changing jobs.

This is epically huge in my life for several reasons – a) The job I’m currently in is my first since finishing my studies and b) I’ve been doing it for three years.
Another reason this is a huge deal is that I’m making the leap from business 2 business to consumer publishing – working at a popular women’s lifestyle mag. So exciting!!!

The whole thing kinda snuck up on me. I saw the job advertised on bizcommunity a little while ago and decided to send in my cv, without really expecting anything to come out of it. So much so, that I didn’t even bother checking the email address I provided them with. A few days later I remember and logged on, only to see an email from the editor requesting I come in for an interview... sent three days prior to me actually seeing it!!

I freaked out and quickly emailed back and luckily they were still able to slot me in as the last interview the next day. It went okay – but didn’t come out feeling overly confident. I then had to do some writing for them and I spent days trying to come up with ideas and polishing it up before I submitted it. FD, C, my mom and dad all had to read through it a gazillion times making corrections and suggesting changes.

A day later I got another call from the editor asking me to come in for a second interview. This time I was seriously nervous and came out feeling like I had messed it up completely! I spent the next day checking my email and phone every 30 seconds – until it eventually rung and heard the editor’s voice saying that I had gotten the job.

I resigned from my job on Friday... and had a mixed bag of emotions – with some people taking it better than expected and others taking it much worse than expected. My young jedi burst into tears – I felt so guilty!

Now my managers are being a bit shady and definitely regarding me with contempt – but who cares – I’m going to be working at a fabulous magazine from August 1. It’s the change I’ve been longing for – woohoo!!!!!!!

Brrrrrrrrrrr

You know what... I’m actually impressed with the things I’ve become capable of doing since I’ve started FD. This past long weekend was a sterling example...
We spent the weekend camping in the freeeeeezing cold Free State town of Harrismith. We’re talking subzero temperatures here. Furthermore, the reason we were there was rock climbing.... These are both things I would never have dreamt of doing last year this time.

Despite this, we had a really good time. I insisted on schlepping along my king sized down duvet, as well as a thick and enormous camping mattress and a hot water bottle. I also bought myself huge fluffy boots for walking around the campsite in. Yes.... I live in Sandton.

Some of FD’s climbing friends were there too, so we ended up all braaing and drinking together into the night and climbing rocks together during the day. FD was completely in his element. Usually he suffers from what I refer to as a ‘grass is always greener’ affliction. Basically, what ever he’s doing, regardless of how much fun he’s having, he starts to imagine that the thing he didn’t decide to do would have been a much better option. This forces him to constantly question his choice of career, activities he does for fun, even where he’s sitting at a restaurant. Amazingly, the only facet of his life this doesn’t seem to apply is his love life ... thank goodness for me.

And now I’m back in reality... but something big could be brewing. Wish I could tell you all but I just can’t! Hopefully soon though...

Good vibrations

I’ve got a feeling that things are about to get a lot better.

First of all, all FD-related paranoia has completely disappeared. I told him about it and he thought it was absolutely hysterical. He’s also banned me from reading Eat, Pray, Love before going to bed because it’s messing with my mind.

Secondly, I’m feeling much better healthwise.

And thirdly – I went to a cocktail function for the gorgeous five star Pezula Hotel last night and won a business card draw for a weekend stay at the hotel for two, including flights and spa treatment. WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FD and I will actually be staying in a room that looks like this....

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So that’s the news for now – and I was tagged by Angel – so here’s the meme ....

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? Two jackets, lots of magazines and printed out directions to various spots around Jozi.

2. When was the last time you threw up? After dinner at Rodizios about a month ago, not the best advertisement for the restaurant, but it was mostly because of the Jagerbomb + extra strength sours that was also consumed.

3. What’s your favorite curse word? Don’t really have a favourite.

4. Name three people who made you smile today. FD, C and that’s all so far, but it’s still early

5. What were you doing at 8am this morning? Walking into the office

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Making coffee and chatting to C

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? Eating something greasy and delicious I hope.

8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yep, used to be really intimidated by them so decided to check it out with some gal friends – such a laugh

9. What’s the last thing you said aloud? I’ll do your splurb… journo speak.

10. What is the best ice cream flavour? Haagen Daz Macadamia Nut Brittle…mmmmmmm

11. What is the last thing you had to drink? Black coffee

12. What are you wearing right now? Casual Friday, so jeans, T-shirt that says ‘Rock Groupie’ and long sleeved black top under

13. What was the last thing you ate? Woolies low GI seed loaf toasted with Simonsberg cream cheese, yum.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Nothing, but need to buy devil horns and tails for FD and I later for the Friday 13th party we’re going to this evening.

15. When was the last time you ran? Too long ago.

16. What’s the last sporting event you watched? I have no idea, I speed past those DSTV channels as fast as possible.

17. Who is the last person you e-mailed? My boss.

18. Ever go camping? Very often since I met FD – actually going tomorrow, going to be COLD!!!

19. Do you have a tan? It’s a distant distant memory since winter came along.

20. Do you drink your soda from a straw? Not really.

21. Are you someone’s best friend? More part of a best friend circle where we love each other equally

22. What are you doing tomorrow? Going climbing and camping!

23. Where is your mom right now? Playing tennis I think.

24. Look to your left. What do you see? An empty seat where my colleague usually is.

25. What colour is your watch? Can’t wear a watch, I’m allergic to metal.

26. What comes to mind when you think of Australia? My bro, sister in law and little nephew

27. Would you consider plastic surgery? Possibly later in life

28. What is your birthstone? Emerald

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? Usually drive thru if it’s an option.

30. How many kids do you want? Probably two

31. Do you have a dog? Nope and I miss having one terribly but I’m just not home enough.

32. Last person you talked to on the phone. FD

33. Have you met anyone famous? I met that dude from Deep Blue Sea and Stander but can’t remember his name

34. Any plans today? Work, then shop then Friday 13th housewarming

35. Ever go to college? Yebo

36. Where are you right now? At work

37. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? Work

38. Last song listened to? Some random song playing through the office sound system.

39. Are you allergic to anything? Metal and saffron

40. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Pair of slops bought from a surf shop in Somerset West in Dec – makes me think of holidays.

41. Are you jealous of anyone? I’m not going to say FD’s ex… although I do tend to lose the plot when she’s mentioned.

42. Who is your favorite actor/actress? I love Ben Stiller

43. What time is it? 10h46

44. Do any of your friends have children? None of my close friends

45. Do you eat healthy? I do try to, but it tends to go to crap over the weekends.

46. What do you usually do during the day? Work

47. How old will you be on your next birthday? 28…. Scary.

48. Have you ever been to Europe? Yip, lived in the UK for a year, then went on a Contiki tour of Europe, then skiing in Austria and a work trip to Paris last year.

49. Name one thing you’d still like to do. Watch the Red Hot Chili Peppers live in concert

50. Favorite colour? Green

Losing it...

Boy oh boy am I just a completely pitiful specimen of humankind right now or what!

I’ve degenerated into a blob of unrivalled insecurity and crankiness – all glued together with the mucous currently clogging up my sinuses. (wow, that’s a lovely image)

AND I’m cold ALL the time.

Not really sure how I’ve reached this condition, because I actually had a good day yesterday with some interesting developments (other than the mucous) that I’ll fill you all in on in due course.

But somewhere during the course of it, I started getting totally paranoid about FD’s mood on Sunday (so much for my breezy statement on the last post). I don’t see him on Mondays, so there was no further development that fuelled the paranoia in any way other than a completely overactive imagination. By the time I went to bed, I was convinced he was on the verge of breaking up with me – and as soon as I opened my eyes this morning the delusion continued. Only now am I starting to realise how completely ridiculous I’m being, and that if I actually voiced any of this paranoia to FD he’d actually think I’d completely lost it.

The only explanation for the paranoia is that he received a sms from his ex girlfriend over the weekend – a simple “Hi FD, just wanted to find out how you are doing”. I started off being very blasé about it, simply asking whether FD was planning to reply or not – but gradually worked myself up into more and more of a frenzy as the conversation continued. I SO wanted to be completely cool about the sms – why is it that ex girlfriends have the ability to reduce an otherwise calm and composed woman into a completely hysterical mess?

Anyways – I think I’m going to medicate with some ginger flavoured Panado Medsip and stop inventing imaginary relationship crises for now.

Getting better...

I’m feeling a LOT more positive about things. I’ve had some good talks with my folks and now feel comfortable that 1) they have made contingency plans that will ensure that they’ll be okay financially for some time despite the imminent liquidation, 2) my dad will be able to find work again quite easily and 3) it’s highly improbable that I will lose my flat.
It’s going to be an intense couple of months – but my family (even my bro in Sydney) have pulled together so tightly that it’s made everything so much easier to swallow.

The weekend was really good – took a half day off from work on Friday afternoon and finally went to watch Sex and the City with my mom. I really enjoyed it, but also found it a little sad that the characters had all grown up so much and that the days of attending glittering and glamorous events, downing cocktails, and teetering home in ridiculous heels in the early hours of the morning were behind them.

Then FD and I headed out for dinner with some of his mates to Braza in Cedar Square. Really crap restaurant, but very cheap caparinhas – which ultimately resulted in us all heading off to Billy the Bums aka Fourways Meat Market. Had a lot of fun dancing around to cheesy tunes like What a Feeling from Flashdance and insisted on FD carrying me out on his back as I eventually felt the wrath of my heels.

Woke up to a hangover and a bouncy and eager FD on Saturday morning – ready to head off to Waterval Boven for a rock climbing weekend. After being dragged from the cocoon of my thick down duvet – we went down to the car to find a printed note under FD’s windscreen wiper from my dad saying “There’s a big bag of firewood and a bottle of red wine in front of MsMozi’s car – remember firelighters and corkscrew!!!” (Best dad in the world) We set straight off and were there and halfway up a rock face by lunch time. Had a lot of fun despite being munched by a million mosquitos at a crag aptly named ‘Malaria’ with climbs with names like ‘dead mosquito on my leg’ and ‘peaceful sleep’.

And yesterday, after a bit more climbing, we headed back to Jozi to watch Chris Rock at Carnival City. SO GOOD! If you guys missed out, I highly recommend you get a hold of it when it comes out on DVD, as they filmed the performance for an HBO special.

FD was a little out of it the whole of Sunday and I’m still not entirely sure why – but I’ll see how his mood progresses as the week goes on before worrying about it too much.

A glimpse through a crack in the wall

First of all, thanks so much to all of you guys who left messages on yesterday's post.

I need to be careful about the time I choose to write this post – and right now I’m in a positive stage – which can completely unpredictably could swing to out of control depression in a few seconds time. I think it’s some weird kind of coping mechanism.

Things that are still okay:

• Just in case I had any doubt ever, FD continues to prove himself to be the most incredible human being on the face of this earth.
• Work is miraculously firing ahead
• My family and friends are all healthy
  

Things that are not at all okay:

• My father, who started his company almost 30 years ago, is going to go into liquidation over the next few days. My father, who has always been the bastion of success, the ultimate provider, the most generous man I’ve ever known – is going to be forced to shut the doors of what he’s spent his entire life working towards, as a result of the greedy, stupid mistakes of his business partner.
• My father, who has always enjoyed his life to the full by heading to the bush (his favourite) every couple of weeks, cracking open bottles of beautiful vintage wine, and spoiling those he cares most about – will be forced to give up his car, cellphone and even medical aid as the bank takes over EVERYTHING he’s spent his life building up.
• My father, at the age of 62, is going to have to sit in the office of self-important CEOs, begging for a job, after almost a lifetime of being his own boss.
• My father is going to have sit down dozens of his loyal employees – some who have been with him for almost 30 years, and tell them they don’t have a job anymore.
• And, of course, there’s a major possibility that the flat where I live, which is my father’s name, will be repossessed by the bank.

And there’s so much more...

What completely breaks my heart is what all of this is doing to my dad. That unscrupulous and devious acquaintances will be sniggering as they watch the demise of a good man. The best dad in the world.

Right now I’m feeling okay, but can almost tangibly feel the wall I’ve put up between my conscious self and my emotions – which crumbles down every couple of hours as the reality of what I have to face bludgeons its way through.

Struggling...

I got some really bad news yesterday and I’m still trying to process it all. Things are going to be different – but I’m not really ready to blog about it yet, maybe tomorrow.